When workplace friction arises, most of us hit the brakes. We often let days or even weeks pass by in silence instead of addressing uncomfortable situations right away. While avoiding the issue feels safer in the moment, it slowly damages team trust and our own credibility.

During her Navigating Difficult Conversations session at the 2025 Leadership Summit, executive coach Erin Robison, CEO of TruPotential Group, encouraged us to rethink how we approach these discussions. She pointed out that real resolution starts long before you sit down at the table. It begins by looking closely at your own internal reactions.

Unpacking Your Invisible Backpack

Before you can confront a colleague, you have to confront your own triggers. Robison calls these triggers emotional allergies.

"We are all carrying around an invisible backpack... of trauma, of past experiences, of education, of all these emotions," Robison explained. When someone says something that immediately makes you defensive or angry, it's rarely just about the current project. Usually they have unknowingly bumped into something hidden inside that backpack.

When we lash out or completely withdraw without understanding why, we lose our grip on the situation. "What we need to do is stop giving remote control of our emotions to everybody else," Robison said. We let others dictate our reactions because we rarely take the time to pause and identify what is truly upsetting us. Taking back that control requires you to figure out exactly what is bothering you instead of blindly reacting.  

Surviving the Amygdala Hijack

There is a biological reason difficult conversations feel so daunting. Perceived threats trigger a defensive response, and your brain's amygdala becomes hijacked. When this happens, your capacity for logical reasoning is temporarily overridden.

Robison shared a personal anecdote to illustrate this reality. After her husband made a mistake regarding her birthday, she completely lost her temper. She recognized what was happening in real time. "My amygdala is hijacked," she told him. "I'm behaving in a manner that I'm not proud of right now. What do I do?".

Overriding this evolutionary wiring at work often requires a deliberate physical delay. Robison recommends pausing for 30 seconds before you respond to a trigger. Psychological studies show that deliberately slowing your movements does more than just calm your own mind. It also unconsciously signals safety to the other person, helping to lower their defensive walls.

It also helps to name the emotion out loud. Simply stating that you feel frustrated allows your brain to restore its logical processing so you can stay present.  

The Courage to Be Clear

Finding the courage to initiate a difficult conversation is tough. A crucial step is letting go of the defensive posture we often take over imaginary scenarios. We tend to lose sleep over stories we invent in our heads rather than addressing the actual problems in front of us. "You will find that what you think is going on is not based on fact," Robison noted. "It's based on the story that you've created".

This aligns perfectly with conflict research from the Harvard Negotiation Project. When we feel frustrated, we tend to blur a person's intent with the actual impact of their actions. We project malicious motives onto our colleagues, and once they feel accused of bad intent, their defenses go up and collaboration shuts down.

Before you initiate a hard conversation, write down the exact situation, the specific behavior you observed, and the true impact it had on the team. Stick to those facts, ask genuine questions, and let the other person share their perspective.

In the end, facing these conversations requires us to accept that the discomfort will never completely disappear. Robison admitted that the fear of conflict is a constant companion. "I'm afraid every single day, but I refuse to go through life allowing fear to be a barrier to me living the life I desire," she said.

Instead of letting that fear dictate your actions, lean into curiosity. Once you lay out the facts, step back and give your colleague the floor. If you manage the person you are talking to, recognize that the inherent hierarchy amplifies their fear. Organizational research by Dr. Amy Edmonson shows that leaders who openly acknowledge this power dynamic instantly reduce the perceived threat level and foster a more open dialogue.

"As leaders, stop telling people what to do," Robison advised. "Let them tell you, 'This is how I want to improve'". By managing your own reactions and asking genuine questions, you can transform a dreaded confrontation into a productive path forward. 

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Navigating difficult conversations isn't about mastering a perfect script; it's about reclaiming control over our own emotional reactions. When we unpack our invisible backpacks, pause to tame the brain's biological stress response, and focus on objective facts rather than assumed motives, conflict stops being a threat. Uncomfortable confrontations transform into opportunities for trust, clarity, and genuine connection.